What a girl wants....

Okay, it's been 2+ weeks of the holidays and i haven't even started to study anything for AS.
Not that i don't put education first, it's just that I'm more dedicated to get my grandad health than my studies. I could not think straight when i havent seen his face, or get any news either bad or good. At least in one day, he DOES revolve around me.

*my cousin, Azimah rosli is currently making fun of Super Junior.* - She's trying to sing Sorry Sorry. -_-'

Anyways, Ryna wanted me to blog about guys. hahaha so yea. (: here it is.
I want a guy with a smile that would make my heart flutter.
I want a guy who could handle me, as to say:
- be there when i'm totally random.
- He doesn't have to be handsome, cute, but as long as he has that killer smile. He'd win my heart anytime
- someone who could understand how i think, understand my mood.
Mostly a guy who could be my best friend. (:

Well, i'm sick of falling in love and not getting it right. It's kind of complicated you see.
It's like, I had a first boyfriend when i was 11. and i think that was the only serious relationship i had.

So i'm saying i don't consider the other relationships i had is anything but childs play. I was in a relationship without any feeling towards the guys (sorry :\)
And i usually end the relationship.
I feel guilty for breaking hearts. hahaha i'd like to think i'm single because that's the karma.

But nevermind, it's not the right time to be in a relationship since i can be easily lose focus on my studies bla bla bla (:

The end. *yawns.

*now jimah is touching me* -_-

nope, i'm not regretting for confessing.

PS: His lips are sexy, the way he speaks is sexy, the way he dance is sexy. I can't stop listening to him sing. he respects women. ♥

You want to know how i'm feeling? (: well, I tell you now, if you just want to diss me GET OUT FROM MY PAGE. but if you really want to read: here it is.

I'm getting over a guy who is my so-called best friend. We used to be so close, talking carelessly and just having fun. Not until i fell for him. I confessed. And I guess he rejected. But i couldn't just drop the fact that i still have feelings for him. At first I didn't understand what i was feeling. Just thinking this is just a regular crush. the one i could just get over in a week or so. I haven't explained much about my feelings towards him. The fact that I might like take interest in someone, doesn't mean that i have sincere feelings for him. I don't fall inlike with someone that often.

One night i thought, what could hurt? i've faced more things than getting hurt. I'm strong they say. but i have a fragile heart, when i feel sad.. it takes along time to heal even if i put on a smile and laugh along.
That night i thought, after seeing a guy i fell for earlier this year walking in with 5 different girls, what could hurt me more than seeing him like that? I was wrong, as usual as i'm helplessly clueless about love.
I thought this could happen, seeing that it was going so perfectly. But i guess we were meant to be as friends. I'm happy that we could stay as friends. I don't mind. I thought this feeling could just vanish without being hurt. But whenever i see him, sure, i smile but deep inside my heart jumps. Jumps in a bad way.
No guy should leave a girl in hopes. It's pointless and stupid. And i fell for it.
I don't blame him, it's just me. I feel stupid to be thinking that i could do this.

Now i feel empty and just thoughtlessly dreaming. I prefer it this way, no heart pain. which is good. (:
I guess now, not to think about love and start being serious on my studies.
I am offically an Upper six student in Maktab duli
I'm sure i didnt do so good on my November AS. Well, this June I'll make sure I get all Cs above. amin.

*I saw my first shooting star. I wished upon it. (: and I hope it happens. I need all the luck i could get.

I'm at the stage where I don't regret doing the things I would not normally do. It is time for me to crack my shell and go out and see the world and let them see the side of me that they challage me to see.

I will miss you my dear cousin, have fun at Kota kinerbaluzzzz. :D Azimerbebeh.

I'll blog more soon.

With love, Mrs Tae Yang aka Fee. :)

Man-fast.

Man-fasting is a very goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood thing to do right now.

why?

1. I've been dissapointed too much.

2. He's just not worth it.

3. I can't even be bothered with 'other' men right now.

4. It hurts.

♥

Well, lets bring out the next boy toy shall we?

With love, Fee. ♥

Everybody's fool.

There is many things I want to say, there is so much things I want to point out. With no hard feelings, I would like to start my post by saying:

Yes, I'm always greedy for love and the things I want I can't always have.

The things I've lost I could not repay back with all the tears that has leaked. All the numbness I feel, all the moods I'm feeling, that's me, leave it alone and I'll figure out a way to come back to my sences.

"Even heroes have their rights to bleed and feel"

I'm much as human as anyone else, let me be moody, let me be happy, let me be what I want to be, I'm not doing anything to anyone that could harm them now, not physically or mentally or emotionally. I've been scarred with all the three of these condition, and I had enough.

I'm bless with the people who could understand that: I am not perfect.

Alhamdulilah.

And I also feel indifferent about the people who still feel hate or dislike towards me. Feel whatever you want towards me, I'm sure I'll live a little bit longer than that yes?

Say whatever you want to say, just get the facts right.

I am who I am.

I am Siti Nurhafizah Binti Ismail. Plainly human with feelings.

I am not trying to rule the world here, I'm just trying to live every other day like we are meant to do in this life.

You might not like the my sad side but, when I do finally break down.. it's supposed to be understandable yes? Everyone BLEEDS.

But nevermind, at least life is being reasonable.

I am happy, but I just want more. That's my problem. Too selfish.

Once I'm hurt now, I cry easily, and when I cry, it'll go on for days.

Just bear with me a little bit longer.

It is hard to believe?

I do not feel hate nor dislike towards people I used to care about? I feel indifferent.

I do not live in hate. It only brings all the "emo-ness" in me. I might dislike, but it takes hours for me to just let it go. Easy as ABC.

I'm done. The End.

♥

Well, this is where it starts. It's nothing to be effected, it's just all around us lately and I just want to point it out to people what it's doing to others.

I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I'm just pointing out.

This world has so much hate, it has ultered our way of seeing the world.

I've learnt my lesson on "sindir-ing" people. There is nothing good about it.

And yes, I'm a sinner. So be it.

But, seeing others close to me do it. It's just disturbingly disapointing.

Let them be, there is no point of hating them and posting things that would make more hate. It's a done deal.

Love Happens

Last night I did alot of thinking. I was watching TV and I realised, what I've watched last night was all about trying out the guy you like, or vise versa.

It made me think about what I should do with the guy I like. I guess it's kinda easy for me to let go withou tknowing.

The thing about me is, I fall for someone easily, and I let go easily too.

It's like I'm never serious about what I'm feeling towards them.

But there are some guys that I put an effort on but, as you know, it never came to more than just being friends.

When I want to consertrate on other things and forget about someone, there would always be someone there to make me go head over heels. It's nice and all, but it's just me! I don't ever want to do the first move, knowing I would regret not trying but, it's the best thing to do I guess.

♥

Yes, yes, I'm blabbing about liking someone bla bla bla, but hey Iit's what I have in my mind right now.

Oh and there is something else I want to point out.

Shouting:

"FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"

in public doesn't win a girl's heart! MY GOD!

Just because my name is on my jersey doesn't mean you have to shout out my name!

♥

9 days until school reopens. Sigh. I gotta start on my homeworks and especially with Accounting.

Do you think you can find it?

It's the 2nd day of the holidays and I am liking it! (; I just got back home at around 8+pm from Syaz's place. I sleptover there last night. I had fun!

Her mum complimented on me saying that I am a beauty! eseh! All I could say is thanks!

Sha joined in too! which was a blast! (;

♥

Ahhhh~ the holidays. A time to relax and forget all the things that has anything to do with WORK.

My plans for this holidays are:

1. Do the holiday homeworks given before next week.

2. Learn the chords for the guitar and think of a song to perform.

3. Spa day with Syaz.

4. Memorize the lines and get the costume for the play "A view from a bridge."

5. Lose another 5-8kgs before the school reopens (like that would happen!)

6. Watch all the up-coming movies! ): TRANSFORMERSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

7. Think up something more exciting to do! ):

♥

Starting the holidays with a fever isn't the best way is it? GOD! ): The weather isn't so friendly lately, hot hot hot hot and hot! And there has been fires EVERY WHERE!! ): I hope the poeple living near those areas are okay!

♥

Our English Lit. teacher has left for the Uk to do a heart surgery, I wish you goodluck Mr. Peter Holland and we'll welcome you with open arms and smiles as promised! ♥ !

♥

Sports day! All I could say is: HOT. (:

Well, I seriously don't have anything to blog about, until next time babies! ♥ ♥

With love, Fee.