I miss my grandparents so much right. I'm crying out my heart for them right now. I don't know where they are right now, either in KB or Selayun. I miss being around them when I'm upset, or when I just need someone to snuggle with and talk about random stuff. My nenek haji would just listen to us talk, or make scary remarks about nenek hajah and it would turn either funny or scary. I miss sleeping with them both during our first year back from UK. She would wake me up slowly for school or it was late or "...anak dara lawa mana boleh bangun akhir eh!!"
Well, I'm currently having a fever, I'm not sure why or where I got it.
With or without a fever, I do badly, crave to hear my two nenek's voice. My grand dad doesn't talk so much well, now he doesn't.
And my grand ma's nagging is annoying yet funny and just enjoying to me.
Not having a childhood with them is the hardest thing ever. Remembering them when I was around at a young age they would visit us in UK.
Coming back to Brunei with my grand dad almost losing his memory (Lali) was kinda weird to go through, though I was and still is scared of him. I never get along with him because I think he is the only person who could make me cry by bullying me. I never got spanked by him. ( Alhamdulilah )
♥
Right now, I feel the urge to just look for them and just not go to school and stay with them. I don't know why I miss them soo badly right now. It's just that, my days are going so fast and I can't even spend it with them. What? Am I supposed to just leave them out from my teens-years too?
I see them twice a month maybe.. or non at all, which is just heart breaking. There isn't a day that I don't think of them.. I don't want to say this but: They won't be here long, and I just want to spend my time with them as much as I can!
Every week, I would tell my parents, I want them here, they could sleep in my room and I'll sleep in the TV room. The answer would be either no or "no room". How could a house with 6-7 rooms not fit 2 people?! )':
We would talk on the phone, but I just don't know what to say.. the usual question would be asked by grand ma "bila kau ke sini?" or I would ask "nenek inda tidur sini kah?" my heart would ache to hear the word "esok kali lai." or "karang abang mu ambil jua"
but i would always turn out "mama mu inda suruh"
I would say that I miss her and nenek haji, but I can't physically touch or hug them like I always do. I wish I known them before, I would trade anything and not go to UK when I was a kid. A life time with full of memories of them is more than a life in UK.
I want them to see me do great things until I grow up to 20+ or 30+ even.
As much as I like to run away now to go to them, I have a life to live. Annoyingly so.
I'm just having a hard time right now, and even if there is alot of people who could cheer me up. There wouldn't be anyone like nenek. &heart; ♥
I seriously can't imagine seeing you guys not being in my future.
As you are my Future, Past and Present.
I love kamu like no other, as you have done nothing to hurt me.
♥ ♥ ♥
These tears are for you two, because I love you and miss you like hell.
